Showing posts with label annulment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label annulment. Show all posts

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Why the New Pope will be POWERLESS

Cover of Pope Fiction



- powerless to change Church teaching, that is.  

Every time a new Pope is elected, the media begins to buzz as to whether or not this new Pope will be more "liberal," and bring Church teaching up to date with the "modern" world.  We even hear it among fellow Catholics.  
Will this new Pope:
  • ease restrictions on the use of contraceptives?
  • recognize same-sex "marriage"?
  • allow women to be ordained to the priesthood?
  • change Church "rules" on divorce and remarriage?
What these questioners fail to realize is that the Pope does not have the power to change these things.  Why not?  Because they are not his policies; they are Christ's.  

The world has shown itself to be a place of opinion, not moral conviction.  Its understanding of sexuality and the meaning of marriage has morphed in the past 50 years.  But Jesus' understanding has not.  Many, many Christian groups have slowly let go of elements of Christ's teaching in this area.  But the Successor of Peter, because Christ appointed him to share His own role of acting as a Rock to the faithful, cannot. (See here, here, and here.) Take an issue such as "same-sex marriage" - it is oxymoronic to the mind of Christ and thus, must be to the Pope's as well (and honestly, to anyone who believes that Jesus' words were not just those of a man, but God). 

The Pope's ministry is to strengthen his fellow bishops and all of the faithful in living out Christ's teachings.  He has no authority to change them. 

Please keep our new Pope in your prayers; he has a tough row to hoe - but in the end God will make his work fruitful.  A couple of verses to keep in the back of our minds as we pray:
 
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (Jn.16:33)
 
"Whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that overcomes the world, our faith." (1 Jn. 5:4) 

Friday, October 26, 2012

Annulment - Answers to a Couple of Miscellaneous Questions

Answers to a couple of questions that came up in connection with my last post:

"Does an annulment say that my first marriage never existed?"  No, a marriage took place - a civil marriage - but not the Sacrament of Marriage. 

"Does an annulment mean that my children are illegitimate?"  Absolutely not.  Again, your children sprang from your marital union; but it wasn't a sacramental, supernatural, marital union.  Even though the marriage ended in divorce, children demonstrate God's power to bring eternal blessings out of our imperfect choices.  He used that imperfect marriage to bring forth new human beings to enrich the world and know and love Him for eternity!

"But didn't Jesus say that people could divorce if one of them had committed adultery?"
Great question.  Let me copy and paste from The God Who is Love to answer this one.
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There are Christian churches that allow divorce and remarriage, citing the parallel passage in Matthew :

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?…Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”

[Jesus] said to them “For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman, commits adultery”

The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry.” But he said to them, “Not all men can receive this precept, but only those to whom it has been given…for there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it” (Matt.19:3,7-12).

Doesn’t this passage offer an exception to what seemed like the absolute prohibition on divorce in Mark’s Gospel?  Wouldn’t an act of adultery, unchastity in this passage, break the marriage bond? I maintain that it does not – not when analyzed linguistically and contextually. 

The term translated here as “unchastity” is porneia in Greek. At the time of Jesus one usage of the term was in reference to incestuous marriages. While such unions did not occur in Judaism (Leviticus 18:18-29), they did in the surrounding Gentile cultures – the very cultures that the Christian Church was expanding into when Mark and Matthew wrote. With these people’s acceptance of the Gospel would have come the recognition that their “marriages” were not valid before God. Matthew’s “exception” needs to be taken in context too; look at the conclusion the disciples drew from Jesus’ words, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry.” The bond between husband and wife is so unalterable, and marriage therefore requires so much work, that the disciples concluded it was better to just never take the plunge! Jesus reminded them however that it is only by God’s grace, that a husband and wife can live out the marriage covenant. Now what sense would that exchange between the disciples and Jesus make if the marriage could be voided simply by one of the spouses cheating? It wouldn’t.  No, Jesus’ prohibition of divorce and remarriage, recorded in Mark, was an absolute prohibition and our English translations of Matthew faulty.



“Porneia” and this issue of the invalidity of certain marriages does bring up another topic however, what the Catholic Church calls an annulment – the recognition that the Sacrament of Marriage never took place. Taking its cue from Jesus, the Church distinguishes between sacramental and legal marriages. Two Christians could profess vows to one another, but if one of them interiorly had no intention of remaining faithful or of being open to children, then God did not unite the two  If one of the spouses were emotionally or physically coerced into marriage the same would be true. Without an investigation into the particulars, the Catholic Church operates under the assumption that a marriage between baptized Christians, Catholic or not, is sacramental. Before someone could “remarry” in the Catholic Church he/she would have to go through a process of showing why the first marriage was not a sacrament. The Church would then issue an annulment, a statement that the first marriage may have been binding legally, but not sacramentally.
 

"What's the Deal with Annulments?"

Photo by Alan Light, 9/14/97
Nope, not a Seinfeld routine - but it sounds like one doesn't it?

Seriously though, what is the deal?  Why does the Church insist that Catholics go through the annulment process prior to remarriage?   A lot of people out there who sincerely love God are confused about it.  In the hope that one of them might stumble upon this post, I wanted to open up a bit about my own life and the wisdom I've come to see in the Church's practice:

I experienced an unwanted "no fault" divorce.  I never foresaw it; divorce didn't exist in my mental universe.  On the day my wife and I exchanged vows, I understood it to mean that no matter what the future held, God had forged a bond between us that nothing but death could sever.  We didn't just get married; we received the SACRAMENT of Marriage.  As two baptized Christians we vowed our love to one another and Christ effected a lifelong union between us, a manifestation of His union with the Church.  No change of feelings on our part or decree from a civil court can undo the action of Jesus Christ - that's the Sacrament of Marriage.

But we live in a culture that no longer recognizes marriage as a sacrament.  Heck, it's not even looked upon as a contract.  (Tell me what other legal-binding agreement we enter into that one of the parties can decide - for any reason - they will no longer be bound to, and the court says it's perfectly fine.)  When a contract is broken, one side pays damages, and you both go your separate ways.  But in the Sacrament of Marriage, the marriage bond continues to exists "until death do us part."  State courts may issue decrees of divorce every hour on the hour, but they are impotent to dissolve the sacramental bond, a spiritual reality.

A Christian may receive a decree of divorce, but in Jesus' eyes, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery” (Mk.10:11-12). Adultery - that's a sin that, if not repented of, will separate us from God for eternity (hell).  Any Christian who has been validly married cannot remarry so long as their spouse is alive; to do so would be to turn their back on the God Who brought the marriage bond into existence.

"So what, are they supposed to remain single for the rest of their lives?"  Well yes, if they are validly married, then it is the only thing a child of God can do.  Jesus' commitment to us, His Church (Bride), does not cease when we sin; and our commitment to our husband or wife does not cease with a state-issued decree of divorce.  That decree is meaningless in the eyes of God.  Our life on this earth might seem long, but it is actually oh so short, and eternity is ... well, eternity.  To bear the Cross of Christ for a short time now, to live His love for the members of His Church (our distant spouses) for the next few decades is as nothing compared to the fulfillment we are going to experience for all eternity!  That's our Faith; that's what we signed on for in Baptism, Confirmation, and every time we said "amen," before receiving Him in Communion.  It's what we committed to on the day we celebrated the Sacrament of Marriage. 

So what is an annulmentEverything I have written up until this point has pertained to the Sacrament of Marriage.  But what if the Sacrament of Marriage didn't actually take place?  What if the liturgy was celebrated but there was some defect present that kept one or both of the parties from giving their vows freely?  There are a number of factors that, if present, could have invalidated the sacrament.  

When you find yourself in a position like mine you think, "I sure thought of myself as sacramentally married.  Yet, here I am divorced, so there was clearly something wrong.  Did that happen over time, or could it have been there from the beginning?  If it was there from the beginning, was it something so serious that it would have prevented the sacrament from taking place?"  

These are huge questions and not the sort of things we should wade into on our own.  From a practical standpoint, how many of us are experts on the intricacies of what makes for a valid or invalid celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage?  But then there's the emotional aspects as well.  How many of us can look at the past and evaluate it impartially, objectively?  If we are hoping that our marriage is invalid, what are the odds that, left to ourselves, we will arrive at that conclusion?  I'd say it's somewhere around 99%.  Lets not kid ourselves; when we reflect on our lives we find plenty of examples of times we've justified some course of behavior ... only to admit later that it was just that, a justification for what we had wanted to do from the beginning!  As members of Christ's Church on earth, we have the annulment process as a safeguard against that.

It begins by meeting with a priest for a preliminary discussion to see if there are any grounds for beginning a "petition for a declaration of nullity."  I have done that, and I've got to tell you - what the priest saw as grounds for a petition and what I had imagined were two completely different things.  I told him from the beginning that my goal was to discover who I was in God's eyes - a sacramentally married man with two wonderful children, or a single man with two wonderful children?  I am committed to living however God wishes.

Right now I am answering a number of essay questions - questions about my family life growing up, my spouse's, our dating relationship, engagement, preparation for marriage, various aspects of our life as man and wife, and the end of the marriage.  It's not easy; you think about a lot of things, tough things, you put out of your mind twenty or thirty years ago.  I was never unfaithful to my wedding vows, but I look back and see more instances of immaturity and selfishness than I'd ever care to admit.  I'm putting it all out there on the table though, putting it before Christ and these loving shepherds and brothers and sisters He's provided to help me know His will and go forward.

When I have everything down on paper the priest I am working with will submit it to a "tribunal," a three-person panel, here in my archdiocese.  They will look at the case from every side, even contact witnesses that I have identified as knowing my wife and I before and after our wedding day.  When they reach a decision as to whether the Sacrament of Marriage was celebrated validly or invalidly they will forward their recommendation to Rome.  Mother Church will review their recommendation and contact me with their final conclusion - an objective decision that I can put my trust in.  If they conclude that I validly received the Sacrament of Marriage, then I will live Jesus' love for my wife ... at a distance.  If they conclude that the Sacrament of Marriage was not administered then I will ask the Lord to show me what He desires for my future and if the Sacrament of Marriage might be part of it.

It wouldn't be wise for me to begin dating anyone before the Church finishes her investigation.  If I am a married man, then God doesn't want me giving my heart to another.  The Church recognizes every marriage as valid, even those among non-Catholic Christians, until proven otherwise.  It's impossible to be sacramentally married to more than one person at the same time, so I am not free to pursue a relationship. I don't feel diminished by that in the least.  The Holy Trinity lives inside of me, and I receive Jesus in the Eucharist!  I have all of the saints and angels as siblings, and I'm surrounding by a loving family here on earth - most importantly by my two kids!  And then there's all the awesome friends!  If I am free to pursue marriage someday in the future then I don't want to do so in a quest to fill a need within me, but because I am bursting with a love that needs to be given away, day after day, to a special someone.

Anyway, these are the thoughts I wanted to share this evening about the Sacrament of Marriage and annulment.  If you are a Catholic who has been divorced, I want you to know that I feel your pain.  And if you have found someone that you want to give your heart to, I just want you to proceed very, very cautiously.  Without going through the annulment process, you may very well still be married - not in the eyes of the State, but of God; and His are the ones that matter.  You owe it to yourself - and this new person you have feelings for - to find out for sure.  Seek the Church's guidance.  Jesus told her shepherds, "whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven" (Mt.18:18); so if Rome grants your petition for nullity you can proceed with a clear conscience, and celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage within the Church.  Otherwise, if you decide to "remarry" you will have to go outside of the Church to do so.  It will not be a Sacrament.  And if you are still sacramentally married to your first spouse, both you and your new spouse would be living in an adulterous affair.  If you truly love this new person, then you can't put his or her soul in danger.  (You can also understand why it would be inappropriate, if remarried, to receive Jesus in Communion.)   
Go through the annulment process - discover where you stand.  You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.  If God is at the center of your new relationship, and the person you are considering marrying sincerely wants what is best for the two of you, then he or she will wait.  And if not ... as hard as it may be to hear, it wasn't the relationship God wanted for you.  If you love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and strength and commit yourself to living His will, you know He won't leave you brokenhearted; He will complete you in ways you can barely fathom.  That is our Faith.
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A couple of common questions that come up with annulments are answered in a related post.