Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hitting the Jackpot

I went to Confession a while back, and I had what I can only describe as an awesome time preparing for it. I KNOW - I never have that experience either!

There was one thing that I wasn't sure how to get out, and after mentally trying various ways to phrase the sin, the thought came to me, "Ask the Holy Spirit how He wants you to say it." So I did...and then a brief, honest way to confess the sin took shape in my head. My anxiety evaporated. And when I hopped in the shower and started to get ready to go, I found myself talking to the Lord and thinking about the things that were going on in my life.

There's a whole lot that I don't talk about in this blog; objectively speaking I'm probably going through the most difficult struggle of my life. Something I never dreamed could happen, suddenly is; and the outcome is completely beyond my control. The thing is though, I'm not being crushed by it. I say this as someone who has struggled with clinical depression before; it seems like I should be coming apart emotionally, but I'm not. It bowled me over to realize how gracious and generous God had been, how much He had to be doing in my soul to keep me together. As bad as things have gotten on the outside, a calmness - a joy even - is there in my center. I have moments, periods, of sadness and anger. I'm not in denial about anything; but there isn't the depression I would expect.

When I talked with my confessor, sharing my sins as well as the struggle I'm passing through right now, he too had the same sense - that God is just being so incredibly loving and faithful. If feelings of sadness or anger catch up with me, then God will let it happen when I'm able to turn and deal with them. I'm writing about this, because chances are that you need to know that there is nothing that God won't stand with you - no, IN you - as you pass through it. I've always doubted those infomercials where someone comes on and says, "If it worked for me, it can work for anyone;" but from the bottom of my heart, I'm saying it now.

Every bad thing that happens to us will one day be reversed. I know that. Keeping that in mind, the only true tragedy is to go through this life without God's friendship. And I've got that - all of us can have that. And it's enough - way, way more than enough. It's Everything. And it can never be taken away from us, only surrendered.

No comments:

Post a Comment